Young at Heart
Young at Heart
Do you remember the first time you encountered romance? You were young, hormones were flooding your system, and marriage was something that old people did because they were stupid. You would go out in groups, taking over malls and movie theaters and scaring the stupid old people. A night of trouble-making would sometimes culminate with making out on a best friend’s porch. Ah, those were the days.
But I would never trade those times for these. Nervous uncertainty has given way to confidence. Uncontrollable physical desire has been tempered by a more holistic appreciation of the object of my affections. Fooling around as a teenager cannot compare with the intense multi-dimensional feelings that I have shared with women as an adult.
Sometimes on this journey to emotional maturity we lose sight of what is truly important. We are trucking along, having a great time until we wake up one day, look in the mirror and scream “Oh No! I’m 30! Aaaaaaahhh!” “I want to get married, I want kids and I will only have emotionally mature relationships from now on!”
I recently went on a horrible date with a woman who I met online who I am sure had the “30 freak-out”. Initially I really liked her, but I barely gave her a kiss hello before I was grilled about my life’s ambitions, my job, my income and an entire checklist of other questions. If we hadn’t met online I would have been a little more forgiving, but almost all of the information she sought after was available on my profile. The advantage of online dating is that you get a sneak peak at someone’s lifestyle and personality before you initiate conversation. On the actual date I just wanted to have a good time.
Looking for something serious can be a good thing. We look for certain qualities like intelligence, success, wit. But in a time when divorce rates are above 50% we should all be looking for someone with whom we can have fun. Fun! Remember? Laughing, dancing, chasing each other at the beach.
It’s important to know what you want and to not waste your time, but you have to let go of your concerns for an initial period of one to three months. Have a good time while you slowly and organically get to know that other person.
When you develop a strong emotional bond you are creating the foundation for a future. You are creating something to turn to when the trials and tribulations of marriage and kids come into play. Otherwise, why bother? None of us want to end up in a relationship that was convenient until it was easier to just walk away.
So relax! If you worry and try to make things happen then they won’t. Surrender to the experience you share and enjoy each other. Otherwise the person you are with will be scared away by the pressure. I have heard it said that life is a balance of holding on and letting go. Let go of the questions and hold onto that part of you that can simply feel whether that person is the lover that you’ve been searching for.
David is our resident Zen guru here at SpeedDate. He’s late bloomer who has come a long way since his first kiss at 17. He has since dated both on and off-line and considers himself a bit of a digital casanova. David marries a spiritual spin on matters of the heart with the wit he develops through his amateur stand-up comedy career.
